Stop Being the Referee All Day
Tired of hearing “Mom, he hit me!” and “She took my toy!” every five minutes? I used to jump in and solve every fight between my kids until I realized I was making things worse.
Here’s what changed everything:
Stop Fixing Everything
Instead of being the judge, I started teaching them to work it out themselves. When they come running with complaints, I say:
“I see you’re both upset. What happened, and how do we fix this together?”
Then I step back and let them figure it out.
The Magic Questions
- What’s the real problem here?
- How do you think we should solve this?
- What would be fair for both of you?
These questions force them to think instead of expecting me to decide who’s right.
When to Step In
I only get involved if someone’s about to get hurt or if they’re stuck after trying. Most of the time, they come up with good solutions on their own.
My energy matters too. When I stay calm, they calm down faster. When I get frustrated and yell, everything gets worse.
What Happened
My kids went from tattling constantly to working through most disagreements themselves. They still fight, but now they have tools to handle it without me.
Your job isn’t to prevent every conflict. Your job is to teach them how to handle conflict.